I try so hard to be everyone's idea of perfect. But I can't. I can't be what my parents want me to be and at the same time be a good friend. My dad lectures me for hours, explaining how I should speak to people, how I should dress, the people I should hang out with. I wonder... why are these people so quick to point out everything that I do and insist it's wrong?
Yes, I do bad things sometimes but people's fires light up so quickly when they're around me. It's too much to handle really. I could use a little wiggle room.
Because of the racism and hate that boils up inside of them. I have to pay for that. I try to speak out and ask for a reason for this, but apparently since they are my elders and they brought me into the world, I have no right to question anything they say or do. My parents are really none to speak. They hate each other and my father has been shunning his brothers and my sister for years now.
He tells me to respect my sisters and family and to live in peace with them. Dad, take your own advice. Most of the time they look down on me like a mistake and they tell all their friends that the last child wasn't supposed to happen. My dad wanted an abortion. I wonder now, If I'm such a burden why not have gotten rid of me those all those years ago?
Why not get rid of me now? Gosh Mom and Dad, I'm sorry I was born but you know, I kinda couldn't have helped it. I could kill myself now, but I think the funeral charges might be too much for you.