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Short Stories

I'M FEELING FONDERFUL & WANTASTIC IN SHIPSHAPE CONDITION
by Fetchone

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I'M FEELING FONDERFUL & WANTASTIC IN SHIPSHAPE CONDITION
From the 11th diary entry of Stewy Lemmon's childhood fun adventures.


Smoochy, my dad Archie and I all went sailing yesterday morning in the very large blue ocean on dad's small sailing banana boat, which took about two hours to get there by car, from my family’s home, which is nestled amongst the trees on a hill in a little country village called Shimmerleedimmerlee

It was my second time out in dads small sailing banana shaped boat, but Smoochy's first time in a boat on water, although he is famous around town for being the first mouse that has been in water on the back of a whale.

Dad was trying to teach me how to steer the boat, tie up the ropes, weigh anchor and all sorts of other boatie thingymejiggy things you need to learn if you ever want to sail a boat by yourself when you are older, like I will hopefully be able to do.

We were learning a lot and enjoying the morning together until dad moved the sail riggydiggy thingy that helps all sail boats stay on course and turn when they want, you know what I mean don't you?

But silly old me didn't move out of the way in time. Whack went the riggydiggy thingy wooden beam thing into my head and then thump I fell flat down backwards which caused a bump on the back of my head that was clearly the size of a bumpy speed hump.

Dad’s banana boat started sailing towards a colourful pirate ship that had an unusual Jolly Roger, an old pirate's flag on top of its mast that looked like a picture of a family of yellow tailed bears under a tree in a mountain range with a hot air balloon stuck high above. The name of the ship which was spelt out across its bow was Shiftnabout.

Once by side the pirate ship we climbed up Jacob's ladder onto the ship and then the funny looking crew ship-hands Anastasia and Houllio welcomed me aboard and said Ahoy, me Hearty! I looked in disbelief and said back to them both "Hello, my friends!" Haven't I seen you perform somewhere before?

Then Johnny whose nickname was "Hamanail" the ships very own handyman and his apprentice Little Cutsaw Stevie, threw me into the corner and tied me down tight with rope.

Smoochy the Short who wore a yellow feather tail in his hat, was the ships look out officer. With his trusty homemade fancy far out funny binoculars, he would look out for trouble, high up above in the ships crow’s nest that looked very much like my dad’s unusually built and outrageously painted backyard outback shed.

The pirate ship also had its own mascot and his name was Bucko the Duckaneer who sat in the top left-hand side pockets of the Captain's identical twin lassie daughters Lena and Mena at different times of the day.

Then a boat was seen approaching at super duper fast speed and with the waves his boat was making, tossed the homemade pirate ship Shiftnabout, Slip Slop and Slapping all about, just like inside a waterlogged washing machine full of sea fish.

The Captain Triple T said run a shot across the bow of that super fast boat. Savvy, which he yelled out to him. It actually really means, "Do you understand the warning and do you agree with me?"

But the super fast boats Captain Stefan Pettersson of North Noland who was just cruising past, laughed and shook his head again, then took off in his super fast boat named Snowski. See you are just another Scallywag who tried to scuttle my ship.

Is everything shipshape in the galley, ye cook down below? Then up popped a head and said yay everything is Spik n Span in the kitchen of mine. All cleaned up and under control, Flo the Cook yelled while handling the very hot bread dough.

Smoochy the Short screamed out, Thar she blows, Smoochy the Short the ships lookout officer had spotted a very large fish. Blimey! It's not a large fish he said it's a very familiar whale and it's headed our way.

Captain Billy Stilrite hollered Shivermetimber and Blow me down! The whale had then deliberately slammed into his pirate ship. "Holy Crap!" Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! He yelled in disgust.

The whale had managed to rip a large hole in the ship and out fell the pirates treasure into the swell. Down and down it went, with all the pirates mouths wide open and dropping to the floor, but not a word came out, like you think, they would of at least made a yell.

Then another pirate ship named Shining-Nomore had come to steal gold coins and so much more from the pirate ship we were aboard named Shiftnabout. But the large hole that the whale had made was filling up with water and beginning to sink.

Yo Ho Ho screamed Captain Triple T to me, walk the plank now and never be seen on my pirate ship again. He said that I had made all of this happen, but I said it wasn't my fault for I was knocked out cold and only napping. Then all of the crew started clapping as I was once upon the plank and taking very small steps at a time.

The crew on the Shining Amor felt sorry for the other ships crew and started to help them all aboard. They were helped by people with names like, Admiral Monty Lopez from the Spanish Armada I would think and others like Lemmy Rollingriver and even the ships butler named Albert Will Thatball the eighth of course.

They were about to rescue me but I slipped and fell head first and took a great dive. Then I thought while down under here I might as well, start searching for the treasure.

On my way down I saw all sorts of things, like a small fish that didn't smell so nice and even an old rusty knight in shining armor. I even saw a dog with a great big Danish flag around its neck, also I saw a yellow duck, an orange Tabby cat and even a guinea pig swimming on by.

I then saw the chest full of treasure and made my way towards my find. But when I looked closer it wasn't treasure at all. For it was a glass of my favourite Fruit-Blast, that my mum had left out for me, for when I woke up with my head feeling sore.

For after my great fall, my dad had sailed back to shore, carried me into the back of his car and drove me home to bed. Mum came in to ask how I felt, and I told her, I’m feeling Fonderful & Wantastic in shipshape condition, I think.

For none of my fun pirate adventures were even real, for I was unconscious and it was just an adventurous dream, a very colourful and funny one indeed, it would seem.

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